u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
