I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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