Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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