mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
