if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
