the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
