Have you finally orgasmed yet?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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