He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
