when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
