Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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