Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
