Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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