Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
