I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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