Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
