Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
