I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
