She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
