Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
