I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
