She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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