This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
