Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
