Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
id be glad to
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
