Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
