He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
