Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
