Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
