i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
