Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
