Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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