wat bout pragnant strippers??
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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