she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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