I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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