are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
