After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
