im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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