Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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