My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
