i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
