are you still at the devil's house?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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