I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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