You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
