its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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