HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
