Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
