Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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