He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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