i jhust puked up my retainher.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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