Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
