why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
time to smoke my breakfast
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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