It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
