Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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