In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
