found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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