Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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