I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
